How to Retrieve Old Memories for Your Life Story

I've written about creating your ancestor's life story ("5 Steps to Writing Your Ancestor's Life Story") and your own life story ("4 Steps to Writing Your Own Life Story"). To build my life story, I have a Word document filled with chronological lists of my:

• homes
• jobs
• schools
• vacations
• special events, and more.

Once in a while I open the document to add more details. Whenever a new memory pops up, I add it to the list.

Memory is a funny thing. When my high school classmate died months ago, I tried to recall the adventures we'd had together. My memories were only mental snapshots:

• Her sitting with me when I had a migraine on a high school class trip.
• A shiny red Honda CRX that pulled up as we waited for a valet to bring our car.
• A bare living room in the apartment we almost rented together.

Is that it? We spent so much time together. Then I realized my earliest memories are all mental snapshots.

• Age 3: Holding onto my mom's legs as she washed her hair in the kitchen sink.
• Age 4: Mom on the floor sobbing over the murder of President Kennedy.
• Age 5: Dead moths on a plastic hall runner the night we moved into our new house.
• Age 6: A spelling lesson in Miss Garrety's 1st grade classroom.

When we're putting together our own life story, what can we do to bring back forgotten memories?

There are different types of memories. I can remember the address of the 16 homes I've lived in because they were each repeated so many times over the years. That's very handy for your life story, but addresses are not stories.

What we want to pull out of our long-term memory storage is episodic memories. For example:

• My first day in a new school when I realized the other kids could write in script. No one taught me yet. (I have a mental snapshot of this.)
• Riding in an ambulance after mom and I were in a terrible car crash. (I remember crashing but not the ambulance.)

A Harvard Health Publishing article says our memory gets worse after age 30, and quite a bit worse after age 50. It also says you can bring back those memories by thinking of cues related to a memory. Other times a cue makes a memory come flooding back on its own. Here are 4 of those cues.

Music

Does hearing an old song transport you to a long-ago time when you listened to it? Some songs remind me of the feeling I had at that time. I heard a George Harrison song the other day, and I felt as though I were in my sophomore year dorm room at CW Post. If I play that entire album, I should remember more about that school year.

If you hear a song that makes you nostalgic, think hard about it. What are you remembering?

Photographs

Facebook shows me "memories" of my posts from years ago. Looking at old vacation photos does bring back specific events from long-term memory. Talking about it with my husband, pooling my memories with his, bring out more details.

On my old roommate's birthday, I posted a photo of the two of us as 19 year olds. I remembered the exact situation and who took the photo. She had the same memory of that day. It was memorable because it was a brief, joyful reunion after she'd left college.

Do you have old photos and someone you can discuss them with?

Words

I was looking up someone in my high school yearbook recently. At the back of the book I saw a long message from my best friend. As I scanned through it, and she named all the crazy times we'd had together, a lot of them were a complete blank. But if I read it again, her words may trigger those missing memories. And I can ask her what she still remembers.

Do you have an old journal or memories shared in a yearbook? See if reading these words brings back those memories.

Food

Once I was rushing through a train station when I passed a shop with the aroma of chicken soup wafting out. All I could think was: Grandma! At 40 years old, it was the first time I realized Grandma always smelled like chicken soup to me.

I use honey in my coffee and tea instead of sugar. I adore honey. One day when I used my finger to put a drop of honey in my mouth, bam! I remembered exactly why I adore honey. Every Christmas as a kid, my mom, Grandma, and my step-grandmother all made struffoli. This Italian delight is little fried dough balls piled up, coated with honey, and covered in colorful sprinkles. I loved to swipe up the puddles of honey on the plate with my finger.

Has an aroma or a taste ever triggered a memory for you? I love how a small cake triggered all seven volumes of Marcel Proust's "Remembrance of Things Past".

The Harvard Health Publishing article linked above says to use these stimuli or cues. Make an effort to focus on them. Stop what you're doing and think only about that song, photo, words, or food and the memories they conjure.

If you do bring back a memory, write it down, talk about it, record your thoughts. Once you bring back a memory, you may find that related memories are there for you, too.

A Note about Repetition

If you recognize something that you want to remember while it's fresh, keep talking about it. Or write about it. I wrote about my second vacation in Italy during the vacation. I believe most of those details would have been forgotten if I hadn't written them down.

My older son started talking so early that he mispronounced a lot of words—which was adorable. A school bus was a two buck, a big truck was a bee chuch, cardboard was core bore.

My younger son, who wasn't born yet, knows all these funny words because I've repeated them so many times. The three of us use these words in conversation, and no one skips a beat.

Today my younger son's girlfriend knows that umbubba means umbrella, and my dog knows that ah-ca-ca means helicopter. The other day another of his mispronunciations came to me out of the blue. I texted both boys that very minute. I need to capture the full list!

Don't wait any longer. I'll bet you can bring back some memories by listing the key facts in your life story. Dwell on these facts and see what else comes rushing back.

5 Traits of an Exceptional Genealogist

Turn your family tree into a valuable legacy by adopting these 5 traits.

The purpose of this blog has always been to help you be a better genealogist. That can mean:

• avoiding and fixing errors
• learning how to use important documents
• exploring new resources, and more.

This is Fortify Your Family Tree's 629th article. It's time we all strive for more than being better genealogists. Let's work to be exceptional genealogists. Your family tree is your legacy. It will continue to inform and enlighten people long after you're gone. Don't you want your legacy to be exceptional?

Certain traits are common to all exceptional genealogists. Here are 5 traits to set as your goals. An exceptional genealogist:

1. Uses Documents to Support Facts

You know Grandma's birthday because you used to celebrate it with her. But your reminiscences and family photos are not proof. To be an exceptional genealogist, your family tree needs documents.

I have a copy of Grandma's 1899 birth certificate. It supports the date our family always knew. It also includes a different middle name than Grandma claimed to have. And I have my grandparents' marriage certificate. These 2 documents are official proof, and I can cite my sources.

It can be tough to get documents for recent events, such as your close cousins' marriage dates. But for earlier generations, you need to search for the documents.

I've seen DNA matches' family trees list a bunch of grandaunts and uncles without proof. They heard their Grandpa mention these different siblings, so into the tree they go. But isn't it far better to cite the available documents for those siblings?

Following the documents, you can learn so much more about Grandpa's family. You can document the lives of the siblings who died before he was born. You can discover who his siblings married. You can document their children and create a priceless resource for their descendants.

It's the documents that make your family tree more complete, believable, and valuable. It's the documents that break through brick walls, dispel myths, and answer questions. Find out how to use them to "Solve Genealogy Mysteries Step-by-Step".

2. Doesn't Accept Hints without Doing the Research

My maternal grandfather had a common Italian last name—Leone. A skilled genealogist wouldn't assume that my Leone family is part of their Leone family. They'd do the research and see that my Leones came from a different part of Italy than their Leones.

But I've seen people pull my grandfather and his immediate family into their family tree. That means they accepted a hint without bothering to do a lick of research. My grandfather's family was in one little town for centuries—far from their town. I have the documents to prove that. All they have is a shaky leaf.

A hint is a clue, not a fact! Hints can be very helpful when they lead you to documents you can examine. But you must examine them! Compare the document's facts to what you've recorded in your family tree. Think of a hint as someone asking you, "Is this the one?" as they offer you a piece of the jigsaw puzzle you're putting together. Of course you're going to examine that piece to see if it fits. You wouldn't smash it into place because of a hint.

The next time you see an enticing hint, think about these "3 Ways to Tell If That Hint is No Good".

3. Presents Information with Consistency

When I worked for an international company, emailing people outside the U.S., one thing jumped out at me. Dates. People in different countries write dates in different ways. If I say that a project's deadline is 12/10/2024, an American will read that as December 10th. But my British colleagues will read it as October 12th.

That's why I adopted a more universal style, and I use it throughout my family tree. December 10, 2024 becomes 10 Dec 2024. Since the year has 4 digits, the 10 is clearly the day of the month. The 3-letter month varies among languages, yet it isn't hard to understand.

Does your family tree use a consistent date format? Can your dates be misunderstood by your distant cousins in Europe and elsewhere?

An exceptional genealogist records dates and other facts consistently. They leave no room for misinterpretation. For examples of other facts, see "Consistency Makes Your Family Tree More Professional".

4. Cites their Sources

Have you ever found an intriguing DNA match and taken a look at their family tree? If that tree has no source citations, are you going to accept it all as fact? I hope not.

But if you find a family tree and the source citations link to document images, you can see the facts for yourself.

I've built a massive family tree based on Italian vital records available online. And I committed the cardinal sin of skipping most source citations. In my defense, I knew I could go back and create the citations, and I was more eager to build out extended branches. That was wrong of me and very unprofessional.

Now I'm concentrating on filling in those source citations. I don't know when I'll finish, but I will keep working at it. It can become tedious when you're fixing a huge backlog of omissions, so I do mix things up sometimes. I may take a break to explore my 3rd great grandmother's town. But if I add a single new person to my family tree, I absolutely add the source citation at the same time. I've learned my lesson.

If you've been skipping the citations, here's a great way to make the task less daunting. See "Step-by-Step Source Citations for Your Family Tree".

5. Doesn't Believe Family Lore without Proof

If you're lucky, your elders passed down stories about your family history. The problem is, those stories can be wrong. Some stories may be exaggerations. Some may be misunderstandings. Some may be cover stories hiding the truth.

When I first started my family tree, I learned a family connection to a famous historical figure was a lie. Despite hearing this story from the woman who looked ashamed to be the man's niece, it was 100% untrue. To find out how I debunked a longtime family myth, see "Where Did I Find This?"

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What can you do right now to become an exceptional genealogist?

• Try to find documents for the unsupported facts in your family tree.
• Re-examine any person or fact you accepted from a hint or a hunch without doing your own research.
• Bring consistency to the way you record names, dates, addresses, and more in your family tree.
• Fill in those missing source citations!
• Set out to prove or debunk family stories.

Take pride in your work. You're creating a high-quality, high-value family tree because you are an exceptional genealogist.

6 Powerful Features of Family Tree Maker

Most family tree software programs have more features than you may realize. These 6 features of Family Tree Maker are genealogy game-changers.

I bought my first computer—an actual IBM PC—in 1985 and upgraded from DOS to Windows 3.0 in 1990. I remember how juvenile early software programs looked. My first version of Family Tree Maker had that 1990s look when I got it in 2002.

Today, Family Tree Maker has an excellent, robust user interface. (See "Comparing Family Tree Programs Is an Eye Opener".) Here's a look at 6 FTM features I've found to be a big help in building your family tree. If you're using another program, does it have all these features?

1. Color Coding

I first used FTM's color-coding feature to distinguish the 4 main branches of my family tree. I went to each of my 4 grandparents and in one click, gave each one and all their direct ancestors a color. I made Grandpa Adamo and his ancestors green and Grandma Mary and her ancestors blue. I made Grandpa Pietro and his ancestors yellow and Grandma Lucy and her ancestors pink. My grandparents Pietro and Lucy were 3rd cousins. Their shared ancestors have both yellow and pink bars beneath their names.

These colors come in handy when I'm working on an individual whose relationship to me is unclear. When I view the person in FTM and see green, blue, yellow, or pink ancestors, I know exactly which ancestors we share.

For more ways to use color coding, see "Using Color to Understand Your Family's Last Names".

2. Filters

There are a few other groups for which I was using color coding. Then I realized there was a better way.

Family Tree Maker lets you create custom filters so you can display only a select group of people in your index. When your family tree gets pretty big, this can be a big help. What I didn't know at first is that you can assign a color code to everyone in a particular filter. You don't have to add the color to a person or family unit one at a time.

Here's why that's so helpful. I have 246 people in my family tree who have no direct relationship to me. Some share my Grandma Mary's last name, and they come from the same little town as her parents. But a lack of vital records means I can't figure out how we're related. At first I was color coding unrelated people in red. But if I discovered their connection, it was a bit tedious to remove the red color from the correct people. Now if new research turns them into relatives, I remove them from the Unrelated filter and the red color is gone.

In fact, I recently solved a mystery that turned 14 unrelated people into relatives. You never know when you'll find the answer to those unanswered questions. Now my Unrelated filter contains only 232 people.

I've also created filters for:

• Everyone in my family tree with an Ahnentafel fact (more on Custom Facts in a moment). This restricts FTM's index to only my direct ancestors.
• All the Italians I know emigrated to Brazil. This helps me connect to the many people in Brazil with my last name. This filter uses a blue color code.
• All the DNA matches I've been able to place in my family tree. This filter uses a purple color code.
• Actor Tony Danza's direct ancestors. (See "Apply Your Genealogy Superpower to Other Families".)
• My Uncle Kenny's direct ancestors. He's my mother's sister's husband with roots in the same town as my father. I'm hoping to spot an ancestor overlap some day. This filter uses an orange color code.

To add a color to everyone in a filter, find Smart Filters in the lower left corner of FTM's Tree tab. Choose Manage Filters from the menu beside Smart Filters. Select the right filter and click a color. Done!

3. Custom Facts

When I learned about Ahnentafel numbers, I needed a way to add the right number to each ancestor in my family tree. FTM doesn't have an Ahnentafel fact, so I created it. (Discover the value of Ahnentafel numbers in "3 Things to Do with Ahnentafel Numbers".)

Over the years I've needed other custom facts, too. My husband's family is Japanese and from California. The U.S. government forced then into internment camps during World War II. There are documents for these people on Ancestry.com, so I needed a way to record dates and places. I created a custom fact called Internment. There's also at least one guy in my family tree with documents about his jail time. I created another Custom Fact called Imprisonment.

To find out how to add a custom fact in Family Tree Maker, see "How to Add or Delete Custom Facts in Your Family Tree".

4. Undocumented Facts Report

For months now, I've been creating source citations for the majority of people in my family tree. I knew this would be a huge task, so I started with the people who have no source citations at all.

Using Family Tree Analyzer, I generated a spreadsheet of people without source citations. I sorted the spreadsheet to put people with a blood relation to me at the top. They're my first priority. To find out how to create this spreadsheet, see "2 Keys to Tackling a Big Family Tree Project".

Working through everyone in this big spreadsheet is step one. Then I'll use a Family Tree Maker feature to see what I've missed. FTM has a report within the Source Reports category called Undocumented Facts. This will help me find people who have at least one source citation, but are missing others.

When the time comes, I'll export that report to Excel so I can again work on my closer relations first. I know there will be a lot of facts in that report that I'm not going to source:

• I don't include a source for a person's sex. Unnecessary.
• I can't cite a source for more recent events, like the birth of my niece's children, or even for my cousins' marriages.

I'll have to filter out and delete from the spreadsheet people whose facts I'm not going to cite. Meanwhile, I'll keep chipping away at the spreadsheet of "sourceless" people. I need to reduce the undocumented facts as much as I can before running that FTM report. Otherwise, with 81,492 people in my family tree, generating the report will take forever. In fact, I know it will. I'll have to generate the report in batches. I can choose one strategic person and run the report only on their extended family, not the entire tree. Mo' people, mo' problems.

5. Relationship Calculator

When someone writes to me because they found their ancestors in my family tree, I go right to this tool. FTM's Relationship Calculator gives me a clear understanding of a complex relationship.

When I heard from a man last week, I looked at his grandparents in my family tree. I used the Relationship Calculator to see who our common ancestors were. Then I turned to my relationship calculator spreadsheet (not part of FTM—I should have called it something else!) to see my relationship to the man who wrote to me. The spreadsheet says he's my 4th cousin once removed. And FTM's Relationship Calculator makes it clear who our shared ancestors are.

When you use the FTM tool, don't stop at the word description of your relationship. Click the View Relationship Chart button for a clear visual of the relationship. For an example of the Relationship Calculator tool in action, see "How to See Your Cousin Connections More Clearly". To download your own copy of the relationship calculator spreadsheet, see "Which Side the Cousin Falls On is Key".

6. Find and Replace

Anytime you use the find and replace feature of any software, you have to be careful. You may wind up changing part of a word, or even part of a name. Say I want to change an Italian man's occupation from "ferraro" to "ferraro (blackmith)". I must remember to make that change case sensitive. Otherwise anyone in my tree with the last name Ferraro will become ferraro (blackmith)!

The Find and Replace option is in the Edit menu of Family Tree Maker. I did use it to include English translations for the Italian occupations in my family tree. At least one of these changes went wrong. See "How to Handle Foreign Words in Your Family Tree" for other uses of Find and Replace.

You can restrict a Find and Replace operation by selecting or not selecting:

• Match case (change ferraro, not Ferraro)
• Find whole words only (don't change a word if it's part of another word)
• Use wildcards (*?); this could be trouble, so use with care.

You can also tell FTM only to make a change if it finds the text in:

• Facts
• Media
• Notes
• Tasks
• Sources

There's a final option of Places, but it's unavailable to me.

There have been a couple of times when I realized I was using the wrong spelling of a last name. For instance, I found the name Aucone in several old vital records, but I thought it said Ancone. I searched for the name in the Italian White Pages and the Cognomix website. Now I know Aucone is the correct spelling.

Before I do a find and replace, I have to think. Could another name in my family tree contain the same letters as Ancone? To be safe, I can select the Match case option to change all instances of Ancone to Aucone.

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Sometimes you don't realize you need a software feature until you read about ways to use it. I hope this article encourages you to dig deeper and explore your family tree software.