How to Retrieve Old Memories for Your Life Story

I've written about creating your ancestor's life story ("5 Steps to Writing Your Ancestor's Life Story") and your own life story ("4 Steps to Writing Your Own Life Story"). To build my life story, I have a Word document filled with chronological lists of my:

• homes
• jobs
• schools
• vacations
• special events, and more.

Once in a while I open the document to add more details. Whenever a new memory pops up, I add it to the list.

Memory is a funny thing. When my high school classmate died months ago, I tried to recall the adventures we'd had together. My memories were only mental snapshots:

• Her sitting with me when I had a migraine on a high school class trip.
• A shiny red Honda CRX that pulled up as we waited for a valet to bring our car.
• A bare living room in the apartment we almost rented together.

Is that it? We spent so much time together. Then I realized my earliest memories are all mental snapshots.

• Age 3: Holding onto my mom's legs as she washed her hair in the kitchen sink.
• Age 4: Mom on the floor sobbing over the murder of President Kennedy.
• Age 5: Dead moths on a plastic hall runner the night we moved into our new house.
• Age 6: A spelling lesson in Miss Garrety's 1st grade classroom.

When we're putting together our own life story, what can we do to bring back forgotten memories?

There are different types of memories. I can remember the address of the 16 homes I've lived in because they were each repeated so many times over the years. That's very handy for your life story, but addresses are not stories.

What we want to pull out of our long-term memory storage is episodic memories. For example:

• My first day in a new school when I realized the other kids could write in script. No one taught me yet. (I have a mental snapshot of this.)
• Riding in an ambulance after mom and I were in a terrible car crash. (I remember crashing but not the ambulance.)

A Harvard Health Publishing article says our memory gets worse after age 30, and quite a bit worse after age 50. It also says you can bring back those memories by thinking of cues related to a memory. Other times a cue makes a memory come flooding back on its own. Here are 4 of those cues.

Music

Does hearing an old song transport you to a long-ago time when you listened to it? Some songs remind me of the feeling I had at that time. I heard a George Harrison song the other day, and I felt as though I were in my sophomore year dorm room at CW Post. If I play that entire album, I should remember more about that school year.

If you hear a song that makes you nostalgic, think hard about it. What are you remembering?

Photographs

Facebook shows me "memories" of my posts from years ago. Looking at old vacation photos does bring back specific events from long-term memory. Talking about it with my husband, pooling my memories with his, bring out more details.

On my old roommate's birthday, I posted a photo of the two of us as 19 year olds. I remembered the exact situation and who took the photo. She had the same memory of that day. It was memorable because it was a brief, joyful reunion after she'd left college.

Do you have old photos and someone you can discuss them with?

Words

I was looking up someone in my high school yearbook recently. At the back of the book I saw a long message from my best friend. As I scanned through it, and she named all the crazy times we'd had together, a lot of them were a complete blank. But if I read it again, her words may trigger those missing memories. And I can ask her what she still remembers.

Do you have an old journal or memories shared in a yearbook? See if reading these words brings back those memories.

Food

Once I was rushing through a train station when I passed a shop with the aroma of chicken soup wafting out. All I could think was: Grandma! At 40 years old, it was the first time I realized Grandma always smelled like chicken soup to me.

I use honey in my coffee and tea instead of sugar. I adore honey. One day when I used my finger to put a drop of honey in my mouth, bam! I remembered exactly why I adore honey. Every Christmas as a kid, my mom, Grandma, and my step-grandmother all made struffoli. This Italian delight is little fried dough balls piled up, coated with honey, and covered in colorful sprinkles. I loved to swipe up the puddles of honey on the plate with my finger.

Has an aroma or a taste ever triggered a memory for you? I love how a small cake triggered all seven volumes of Marcel Proust's "Remembrance of Things Past".

The Harvard Health Publishing article linked above says to use these stimuli or cues. Make an effort to focus on them. Stop what you're doing and think only about that song, photo, words, or food and the memories they conjure.

If you do bring back a memory, write it down, talk about it, record your thoughts. Once you bring back a memory, you may find that related memories are there for you, too.

A Note about Repetition

If you recognize something that you want to remember while it's fresh, keep talking about it. Or write about it. I wrote about my second vacation in Italy during the vacation. I believe most of those details would have been forgotten if I hadn't written them down.

My older son started talking so early that he mispronounced a lot of words—which was adorable. A school bus was a two buck, a big truck was a bee chuch, cardboard was core bore.

My younger son, who wasn't born yet, knows all these funny words because I've repeated them so many times. The three of us use these words in conversation, and no one skips a beat.

Today my younger son's girlfriend knows that umbubba means umbrella, and my dog knows that ah-ca-ca means helicopter. The other day another of his mispronunciations came to me out of the blue. I texted both boys that very minute. I need to capture the full list!

Don't wait any longer. I'll bet you can bring back some memories by listing the key facts in your life story. Dwell on these facts and see what else comes rushing back.